


Surprise Parties and Birthday Presents

by meyari



Category: Smallville
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-02
Updated: 2009-12-02
Packaged: 2017-10-04 02:43:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meyari/pseuds/meyari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for hils' Superman birthday challenge—It's Superman's birthday and Lex has a special present for him after just a bit of mild torment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surprise Parties and Birthday Presents

"No. Way."

"Come on, Clark. It's your birthday. Put it on. I want to see what it looks like on you."

"Forget it, Lex. I am not wearing that!"

"It'll be perfect!"

"No."

"You're adorable when you pout, you know that?"

"No!"

"Have I ever told you how sexy you are? This will be ten times as sexy as normal."

"NO!"

"Do I need to say please?"

"Lex, you can plead until you're blue in the face—oh no! I'm not falling for the puppy eyes! I'm not looking, Lex. You can make that face all you want, but I'm not looking!"

"It would mean so much to me if you wore it, Clark…"

"Quit it! No touching either!"

"It's an old tradition, one that means a lot to me."

"I'm not listening~!"

"Come on, just for a second? I promise you can take it right back off. See, I'll even let you put it on for yourself."

"I'm not wearing this, Lex. Wait, is that a camera?! Put that thing away! You are not taking pictures of me with this monstrosity!"

"Clark! You could have broken it, throwing it that way."

"I can't believe you're serious about this!"

"I told you, it's an old family tradition, from my Mother's side. It would mean the world to me if you'd just put it on for a second."

"Oh God, please stop with the pout. Please! That's cheating."

"Clark…"

"No."

"Please?"

"…"

"Please, Clark? Just for a minute? It would mean so much. It would bring back so many good memories. I promise not to take pictures of you in it."

"I hate you. Never, ever forget that I hate you, I have always hated you, and I will always hate you, until the end of time."

"I can live with that if you'll wear it…"

"Here."

"It's perfect! Thank you so much, Clark!"

*Flash!*

"LEX!!! You said you wouldn't take a picture!"

"SURPRISE!!!"

"True, but I didn't say that Chloe wouldn't, now did I?"

"Mom? Chloe? Lois??? Lex!!! What is this?!"

"Now what good is wearing a birthday party hat if you're not going to have a birthday party, Clark?"

"I loathe you! You know I didn't want to celebrate my birthday this year!"

"Uh-huh, I know. So come open your presents, and have some cake. It's chocolate with raspberry filling. Your mom made it special for you."

"…It is good cake, but I still hate you."

"I know, I can deal with the tragedy of it. You have presents, too, you know."

"There better not be keys to a red truck in that stack of presents."

"Trust me, I never repeat a present, Clark. Here, this one is mine. Open it before everyone else gets done eating their cake. Trust me, you don't want them to see this."

"Um, Lex? This is a collar, a red and blue leather collar. With studs."

"Mmm-hmmmmm. Can I talk you into modeling it for me later after they've all gone home?"

"…Only if it comes with a leash."

"That's easy to arrange. I have several we can try out. I even have one in red and blue, just like the collar. The leash has your Superman symbol on it."

"Lex? How long before this party is over?"

"Do you hate me?"

"That depends on how long this party is going to last."

"Hmm, I think it'll over once you open your presents—wow, that was fast!"

"Thanks, mmm-hmm, love you too, Mom. Yeah, bye!"

"Wait! Ow, I think I have whiplash, Clark! Ah…Actually, I think whiplash is worth it to see you like that."

"Why Lex, I never realized you had a fetish for party hats and collars."

"Only when you're wearing nothing else besides the cape, Superman."

"Go get that leash before I take matters into my own hand, Luthor."

"Happy Birthday."

"I love you, Lex."

"I know. Now kneel before your master!"

"I love it when you talk like that, Oh Mighty Ruler of the Universe!"

"Shut up, and kiss me, Kryptonian slave."

"Your wish is my command."


End file.
